Selfish, Selfish Yoga

Yoga is a completely self-centred practice. Even in a crowd of people, you're there, alone, on your mat with yourself.  I often get so focussed on my own practice that I don't actually notice anyone else in the studio. I have sometimes made a practice for a month of forcing myself to greet the person beside me before or after class, to try to be more aware, because the practice of yoga really is a self-centered one.

When I was taking my yoga teacher training, I asked my teachers:

How can we justify our time on the mat when it's so selfish and delicious?

The answer that came back was simple, yet, given our cultural background as women, it was a hard one for me to understand for a while.

The answer is:

When you take care of yourself, and become a calmer, happier, and healthier person, then you have more to give

to the people around you. 

So actually, you are not taking away from the people you care for, when you do yoga. You are giving them more. More you. A better, happier, more efficient, more effective, more relaxed you.

Selfish spouses

There are many bitter spouses who have lost their husbands or wives to an obsession with cycling, golf, or the gym. You don't tend to meet "yoga widows." There are, of course, a few, but in general, people with spouses who do yoga have spouses who are good partners.

Yoga teaches fortitude, acceptance of self, acceptance of others, and, when all else fails, detachment. And it doesn't just teach it in a bookish way. You learn it through your body, so you don't even realize that you're learning anything, until you wake up one day and realize, "hm. That stuff (which used to seem like such a tragedy) doesn't bother me anymore."

Selfish Parents

When you're alone on your mat, you don't need to do anything but take care of yourself. You have time to think about your Kegel exercises, the beauty of your feet. To wonder how much longer it will take to get your abdominal strength back after childbirth.

And because that time is TOTALLY for you, when you are off the mat and with your chldren or your friends, you can be TOTALLY with them. Not fidgeting on your phone. Not resenting the time given. Joyfully, you know how to be present instead of distracted and absent, as so many of us, addicted to noise and electronic devices, are these days.

 Selfish travellers

When you've "got yoga" in your body, you can meditate instead of being agitated in a crowd. You can detach from all the crazy delays and hiccups in a travel schedule, and decide to be present where you are instead of being attached to a schedule or a certain outcome. 

Yoga is not about feats of strength, and it's not about feats of flexibility, though the uninitiated seem to often think those are the goals. Actually, yoga is all about finding balance. If you're strong, you work on being more flexible. If you are flexible, you work on being more strong. Those strong people who aim to be more more more, or those flexible people who aim to be more more more, soon learn the error of their ways when they get injured from overdoing what was already their best feature.

Your life is the same as a yoga practice. What are you overdoing? What are you not so great at, but you could do a little more to achieve balance?

Things will be as they are.

The more flexible you are in body, spirit, and mind, the stronger and more resilient you will be, as well. 

You don't get yoga...

You don't "get yoga" by going to an 8-week class or by hitting it occasionally at the gym for its "stretching benefits." (Though I am always delighted to hear stories of people who started doing yoga for physical benefits, and accidentally got all the philosophical benefits too.)

You do get yoga!

You get it by studying the philosophy, by practicing in a variety of places, by repeating and repeating the postures until you understand that it's no competition with others or with the mirror or "how far you get." 
It's just a conversation with your body. You need to get alone on your mat and talk to yourself. Yes, learn and reach higher and connect with people at class. But you don't have yoga until you've lost the need to compete.

And... when you've lost the need to compete, you're probably a wonderful lover. A wonderful spouse, a wonderful parent, and a wonderful friend.

So I guess yoga isn't so selfish after all.